I promised a two-year anniversary address, and I am happy to deliver... even if it's not as punctual as I expected (but hey, it's still within the weekend celebration! So once more, time to get all dressed up for this....
Two years... just writing it doesn't do much justice to the magnitude of this accomplishment. We have literally survived, and thrived, for TWO years, and this when many Minecraft servers barely survive two months, others two weeks. The longest-lasting Gulliver server, our parent server [Gunia's Gulliver Server], endured for 1.5 years; knowing this, I'm happy to preserve the adage that "no parent should outlive their child". And all this without ever resetting our world map (destroying everyone's investment of time, love and talent), ever losing sight of where we came from (preserving the memory of Dravic's, Gunia's, Skyscraper's and others), without ever going back on our core principles. In this we succeeded on what we set out to do... be a rock-solid center of stability for those who can call our server a virtual home.
Often when I'm working from home, and have various machines turned on at my desk, I will have my Chromebook turned on with Steam and Gmail, always ready to respond to emergencies. Since nowadays that's almost a rarity, what with brilliant staff members ready and willing to respond in my place, I also have Dynmap open as well, in it's gorgeous 3D isometric mode. It is in these rare instances, when I need to take a quick break from the brutal onslaught of paid obligations, that I scan our world, in part longing to be down there playing with you guys or building a road/bridge, but in larger part simply gasping in awe and admiration to all our crowning achievements. Even if it's not a very large server, just the overwhelming amount of detail is mind-blowing. We have many cities, towns and villages, all different and unique and worth the long trek to explore. We have a sprawling road network interconnecting most of them, and ever-growing with each passing day, like web of a vast kingdom of spiders. We have furnishings and gardens, dungeon quests and markets,... you can ride roller coasters or storm an Overworld nether fortress, or roleplay in a giant school, or simply relax with a finely brewed cup of coffee at a local SpookJams. And above all, we have such a colorful and wonderful assortment of people there to make it all possible... and not just that, but make it worthwhile to visit, mingle, and help things grow bigger, better, more fun, more detailed, more brilliant and clever, and astonishingly alive!
I don't believe there are any words to describe how thankful, and proud, I am of all of you for helping us get to this milestone, and in such an incredible state! I would not have imagined it early on, but I am forever-grateful that it became our reality!
I may not have much to offer for the anniversary this year due to time constraints (although some of my staff were gracious enough to throw a few server parties in my place), but I feel that a very important thing I can do for you all is to correct some wrongs I've been doing for the last two years....
==========
1) I have up until now refused to call you a "community".
While I'm a sucker for semantics, I feel nonetheless that you have all worked so hard and have done so much, and have looked after each other so well, that it would be nothing less than insulting to call it anything else than a "community". Through your efforts, you HAVE built a community out of something meant to be long obsolete... how is it that we can still be stuck in Minecraft 1.6.4, ever surrounded by newer and more amazing games, and yet you still return here to spend time with your fellow players and friends, or outside on the forum or Steam? I feel it is because when people care enough about each other to band together as an ever-interacting group, they begin to establish their own identity and culture, from which they can thrive no matter what the circumstances or how th environment is. In essence, we created a community... and just like with ideas of reincarnation, the body (the server) may be corporeal and may not always last forever, but the spirit (the community) is in a way immortal, and can transcend in ways we never thought possible.
So I want to thank you all not just for making this the best server I have ever had the pleasure of playing in, but the best online community I have ever known.
2) I have either willingly or unwillingly used my server as a soapbox.
Now granted I have already done a lot in recent months to turn this around, but it begs repeating for those of you who have known me for a lot longer. While I have benefited a lot from what I've learned during my time here -- and no day goes by when I'm thankful for having discovered [in the most unlikeliest of places] the real world salvation to some of my person ills -- I have had to come to accept that this will not work for everyone, as not everyone suffers from the same thing, or exactly the same way, or benefit from my own unique circumstances that allowed me to help myself. I'm also not a doctor or parent or psychiatrist or even that much of a friend in the truest definition of the word, so really and truly I possess no reason at all for anyone to listen to me. All I have is my rank as server owner, a fake position of authority, but still an "authority" nonetheless -- this may compel some people to either pay me lip-service to gain favor, or worse, it may cause other people to indeed be swayed or manipulated in ways that could potentially make a bad situation in their circumstance worse.
While I wholeheartedly believe in learning and asking questions, I admit that I would often find myself doing more "telling" than anything, and for that I'm sorry. You all deserve a chance to find your own answers the way I did -- and while I'm always happy to share my knowledge and experience, remember that it's just one of many millions and billions of different viewpoints yet to be uncovered by you.
3) I have been trying too hard to find my replacement.
As I mentioned in my first-year address, I did not seek the position I have willingly, it was all just a string of accidents that turned me into a server owner. And I have spent almost the entirety of the two years looking for someone to replace me -- someone I could entrust the safety of the server and it's players too. Someone kind-hearted and crafty, but firm and courageous when it's necessary. Someone proactive and willing to learn, with superb communication coming from a drive towards extroversion. Someone who has no qualms with leading, has few personal issues to impair her ability to be on the server, and who had no problems inspiring others to help her. And yes, I really REALLY wanted this new co-owner to be a girl for reasons only I can truly understand.
Alas, many would-be candidates over the years came and went, and I grew more and more miserable as disappointment after disappointment left me more and more "trapped" as the server owner. Then the last candidate that I had, one so wonderful and honest in her appreciation of me and my efforts, and who I can now truly call a friend, was humbled by my offer but politely refused it. It's thanks to her that I realized two things: a) I was setting impossible requirements in large part because, b) deep down inside I did not want to wish this hardship on others. Despite what it seems, I am not in an enviable position, and being owner has taken its tolls on my time, money, and emotions in more ways than I could have expected. To simply pass all this on to some other unsuspecting person and let her suffer with it, while I go off and vanish from the responsibility, ultimately struck me as just as cowardly as it sounds.
Eventually I came to the decision to abandon the search for my replacement, and to enjoy the remainder of my time here as the unwilling but happy owner of a server I once wanted to give away and now love with all that I have. I will eventually step down to pursue other real life interests, but I won't expect a Cia 2.0 to run things for me -- if the server is to continue, it will be run as a team of caring people who can all more efficiently share the burden and the rewards.
And lastly,...
4) I have spent a lot of time looking for validation.
I have been told on at least a few occasions that I, either willingly or unwillingly, constantly seek praise and fulfillment from others. Certainly it's not lost on me that when I log into the server I can quickly become the center of attention, and often times I've interrupted a good RP or building session as a result. I talk a lot, sometimes too much, and the screen can very easily be drowned in a torrent of green, yellow and purple from all the name tags in there. I insert myself in a lot of staff decision-making, and I'm always eager to have people ask (or challenge?) me with questions. I constantly yearn for interaction, sometimes even to the point of being pushy. And I won't lie, part of me enjoys having someone look up to me -- even though I have no shortage of this in real life, it's still a remarkable feeling that I look for.
But in my defense, praise has been one of the few drivers that keeps me going. I cannot open myself to the community, I cannot discuss what I do on the server with real life friends and family, I cannot do much writing or drawing anymore, I cannot talk to people about my passions (usually food or health) as freely as I used to, I cannot offer to help as freely as I used to, I do not have the desire to play other games, I can't follow you all with all these fancy social media technolgies, and I don't even have as much interest in Minecraft as I used to. Despite how things seemed during the past two years, it has been astonishingly-lonely for me most of the time, and of course under these circumstances even a little "thank you" makes it all feel worth it.
Have I probably gone a little overboard? I'm sure I've had, and that's what I hope to fix on the road to our three-year anniversary. But I will never stop loving you all for sharing your heartfelt appreciation, such as on my birthday when so many beautiful hand-made letters literally made me cry with grateful joy. There is a reason I don't accept donations... an honest "thank you" is worth more to me than all of Notch's Microsoft money, that's just how I am both as this symbol you have grown to like and adore, and as a person. If there is anything I definitely need to improve on, though, it's in thanking myself, as I never give myself credit for being unique, generous and special -- and perhaps if I did more searching within, I wouldn't have to rely so much on searching throughout.
==========
And that's about it, and I hope this rare bit of honesty was more enlightening than off-putting to at least the vast majority of readers. ^^
Now please excuse me if I do a little copy-pasta, but I really did like what I wrote last year in conclusion, and I feel it aged nicely, with a few updates...
Thank you very much to everyone who has helped make this anniversary possible, from my friend Cayfie who got me started in this, and my friend Hannah who has helped me get through this. To UncleMion who wrote this wonderful mod, and to Gunia who intentionally-or-not helped bring most of us together back in the early days. To all my dear staff, past and present, who have given their best, put up with my eccentricities, been my friends and supporters during times of need or plenty, protected the peace and security of our server, and who represent the very future of our server. And of course, to all my dear players, who spread the word far and wide, who give us their hard-earned time and admiration, who showcase their gorgeous art and creations, and who help make us truly a unique and inviting place that I am happy and proud to visit every day.
May we all celebrate this occasion again at least one more time next year!
--Cia
No comments:
Post a Comment