Well, I'm bored.
The server is operating so well and everything is so nice and cheery and perfect, that it leaves me wtih nothing to do or rant or gripe about! Nothing ever happens and there's too much communication, appreciation, intelligence, obedience, dedication, people getting on with their lives, and everyone using the resources of this server and it's forum for their own personal self-empowerment! I miss the days of whining, stealing, griefing, bawling, acting fresh with staff, begging for op, performing questionable roleplay, and accepting any random hooligans who can write a barely-legible whitelist app. Those were the days... and now they're but a distant memory in this a time of dull prosperity.
I feel that as a Minecraft server we have lost our way... :(
But no longer! XD
It's time to write a NEW Manifesto, one that will no doubt cast aside all the stifling stagnant stability and replace it with glorious chaos, the likes of which would put us closer in line with your average Minecraft Server! Rejoice as we tear apart everything and begin life anew with the following roadmap to successful server entropy...!
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1) First, I have to personally rollback ALL my health gains so I can get back to my former sickly, depressive, forgetful, dramatic, inefficient, over-medicated self! After all, how can I expect others to follow my lead if I can't be a proper nervous wreck? XD
*gobs an entire bag of whole wheat flour, flavored by a bowl of sugar, and chased down with a gallon of soybean oil*
*dies a little on the inside*
2) After I'm sufficiently messed up, the next order of business is to DELETE THE ENTIRE WORLD MAP!! Screw everyone's hardwork and blood-sweat-tears... the map is now so EWWW-ugly and it offends my own personal sensibilities just seeing the same boring sight everyday! Everyone will be far better off starting from scratch -- I heard that from another crazy server owner! ^^
3) Of course, if we're to become an average server owner, we HAVE to care about player count over everything! So I will revise the application to reflect this instead:
- QUESTION 1: IGN?
- QUESTION 2: Do you like cheese?
And that's it! Now we will have TONS of high-quality, law-abiding players who will spread the world and bring about MORE high-quality, law-abiding players that will form a wonderful community where griefing, stealing, bullying, public indecency, Skype-flashing and harassment will in no way happen! You can trust the Internet! XD
4) Hmmm... come to think about it, how on Earth can we attract more scum... er, high-quality, law-abiding players,... if we only have 40 players slots? I guess that means we're UPGRADING!! I'm going to take the lead of another famous Gulliver server owner and buy THE BEST DARN DEDICATED SERVER THERE IS!! It'll only be $600 a month, I'm sure my meager salary can cover that. XD
5) And if it doesn't, I can probably ask you guys for donations in exchange for frivolous gameplay features that should have been free in the first place. What's that? It's not allowed in the EULA anymore!? Well then, I guess I'll just send Notch an angry tweet just to run my mouth, and hope it doesn't make him angry enough to sell the company to the Devil just to spite whiny servers owners like me. ^^
6) OH SONUVA--!!! http://www.wsj.com/articles/microsoft-agrees-to-acquire-creator-of-minecraft-1410786190
7) Well I guess to support this unsustainable growth on a smaller budget, I'll have to run the server from home, using my own crummy computer and bad internet connection. I'm sure no one will mind the constant lag, or the two weeks the server can go down unannounced just because I'm in some dark mood. When I reopen, you'll all be HAPPY to crawl back in!! XD
8) Oh but that pesky forum offers too much communication and is making players and staff think... er, that means they may organize their own Gulliver server because they may get the weird idea that I suck at being a server owner! No way! FORUM DELETED!!! STAY IN THE DARK, YOU NOOBS! XD
9) Little Brother? Whazzat? ANOTHER SERVER?!! AND PLAYERS VOTE FOR ITS CONTENT?!!! Hell NAW I'm letting free expression on MY server! BEGONE DEMOCRACY!! *delete* You vill play vat I tell you to play, svine!
9) Er, the staff keep nagging me with emails, PMs and Steam messages to, like, do my job... Like, OMG! Pfft! Can't they see I'm busy being broody and emo and ironic and roleplaying about vampires?! Insta-fire all of them!!
10) Well, except for ShadowSnail, I still need someone to dump all responsibilities on. But he won't get FTP access, so he's gotta make do with what's left. XD
11) Hmmm, well now the players are clamoring for protection from griefers. I guess I need to carefully evaluate and assess new moderators, but... meh, THATS TOO MUCH WOOOOOOOOOOORK! Imma institute Moderator Applications so that anyone can apply and woo me with how loud and obnoxious they can be in order to win the Moderator spot.
12) Well I got two applications, one from Mr. XxWefZSpeedCykSupDiggMan101xX and the other from KentuckyFriedCraft1. Mr. XxWefZSpeedCykSupDiggMan101xX is a moron, has been caught stealing, griefing and raging on other players, is despised by all, is overly-dramatic and whiny, always threatens me with revolutions if I don't do what he says, has the building skills of a turnip, CannotBeUnderstoodCauseHeTalksLikeThis, types out his own flatulence, and only promises to behave himself if he has Creative Mode. KentuckyFriedCraft1, meanwhile, has been on the server since forever, is calm, patient, dedicated, and well-loved and respected by all players, is an excellent builder, a great writer, always follows the rules, and has helped make the server the best it can be. So of course, the choice is obvious....
13) Mr. XxWefZSpeedCykSupDiggMan101xX FOR BEST MODERATOR!!!
14) Also KentuckyFriedCraft1 is best chicken! ^^
15) OMGAWD SUCH WHINING!!! All the players are up in arms simply because Mr. XxWefZSpeedCykSupDiggMan101xX leveled three cities and 150 player houses to build a shady Five Night at Freddy's pixelart! Oh BOOHOO! why are people such DRAMA QUEENS?! Well,.. I simply reset the entire world map again and gave Mr. XxWefZSpeedCykSupDiggMan101xX a stern talking to... hopefully he's learned his lesson and people will soon appreciate his potential!
16) Imma dissapoint! KentuckyFriedCraft1 failed to replant a carrot simply because she had to go do homework! Keh! Such disrespect to everything that is good and decent on this server! INSTA-BAN-HAMMER!!!!!! XO
17) I HAZ DA BOREDZ!!! MANDATORY RPS FOR ALL!!! Anyone caught talking normally without encapsulating their text in brackets ("[like dis!]") well be BANNED!! If everyone is not roleplaying within a roleplay within a roleplay (RPception), ta hell with them! XD
18) Le sigh!! People are such ingrates! Just because I don't talk to anyone [unless it's for RPs], never fix the epic lag issue, leave whitelist applications piling on for months, never install security mods like Forge Essentials, don't have a proper Spawn area, reset my world seemingly every two weeks and never put the old worlds up for download, heckle people for donations, enlist horrible human beings as moderators just because they're fun to RP with, don't have a proper forum in which to help players communicate ideas or interact outside the server, go on bipolar mood rages, treat everyone like crap, constantly threaten to close the server down if I don't get my way, never take responsibility for anything, and turn off the server for days/weeks/months without any forewarning just 'cause I feel like it... DOESN"T GIVE THEM THE RIGHT TO BE SO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN TO ME!!!! XD
19) EVERYONE SUCKZ!!!! ITS MY SERVER!!! I OWN IT!!! AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!! EVERYONE IS HERE ONLY BECAUSE OF ME!!! ME!!! MEEEE!!!! EVERYONE OWES ME RESPECT!!!!!!! SO LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
20) *INSERT RANDOM MELODRAMA RANT HERE*
21) I HATEZ EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!! RAGE QUIT!!!!!! >v<
22) *closes down server FOR-EH-VERRRRRRRR!*
23) HAHAHAHA!! Kayfie and that new girl Giardiniera went off and opened a new server to take in all the former players, and also set up a whole communication network, player forums, Dynmap, a never-changing world, a sophisticated whitelisting process and even a blog! PFF! What LOSERS! I bet that Giardiniera girl is gonna turn out to be some major drama llama pickle nazi! Their dinky little server will crash and burn within a month! XD
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So there you have it! A perfect plan for becoming an average Minecraft Server!
The future is looking brighter already! XD
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